30 September 2008

relationship
circle of love
PART 2

sebut aj namanya Nelly cewe super manja yg uring-uringan ama perasaannya sendiri. kadang" tuh hrs diingetin siapa dy sebenarnya dan perasaan dy tuh sbenerny gmana. yah maklum jg karna dy tuh ga pernah taw feeling dy sendiri ke orang laen tuh gmana. Nelly temenan bae banget ama Max, cowo popular yg super iseng dan jahil. singkat cerita mereka ud temenan lama bgt sejal kecil, cocok stu sama laen, sering brantem gara" mslah kecil tp nyaman berada dlm ikatan pertemanan itu. mungkin gara" mreka berdua manusia super kalii ya hehe :P

Nelly ud lama suka plus kagum ama Max. hanya aj dy pendam trus perasaan dya and ga maw ngomong sesungguhnya karna takut ngerusak persahabatannya slama ini. lagipula Nelly pun taw klo Max jg lg ngincer cewe laen. waktu berjalan dan berjalan....perhatian Nelly ke Max slma ini emg beda dr yg laen dan tanpa sadar Max pun jg tertarik dan suka dgn adanya Nelly di samping dya. Max pun nembak dya. tanpa pikir dua kali ya jlas Nelly trima toh emg ud lama dy suka ama si Max kan? kapan lagi coba ketiban duriah runtuh.

hanya aj, saat bahagia yg ditunggu Nelly sjak lama ga berlangsung lama. tiba" Nelly putusin si Max, jadi ya mreka over aj gtu. tapi mreka tetep masih contact-an dan bercanda ria lwat telpon maupun pas ktemu lagi. dua-duanya bingung dgn feelings mreka masing". sebenernya mereka masih slg suka. Max nyesel knp waktu itu ga pertahanin si Nelly ini dan trima aj keputusan si Nelly gtu aj walau dgn hati yg uda hancur stengah. Nelly pun bgtu. knapa dgn mudahnya dy putusin si Max pdhal dy taw klo dy tuh sayang bgt ama Max. bagi dya Max lah stu-stunya cowo (selaen bapaknya nya ya :D) yg ngertiin Nelly saat susah dan senang di hidupna slama ini.

Nelly sempat bertemu dgn para jomblowan yg bertebaran di luar sana, tapi pada akhirnya dy slalu mambandingkan diri Max dgn mreka karna apa yg dya rindukan dr Max ga ad di diri mreka. sebenernya Nelly hanya butuh satu, understanding. sulitnya dy tuh ga bsa ngertiin diri sendiri tp Max yg bsa. Max bsa taw kpan harus deal dg Nelly di saat" tertentu dan ap yg Nelly maw tanpa dikasi taw lbih dulu. sejak itu dy mulai bosan dgn pencarian lbih jauh. dya memutuskan nunggu si Max ampe ngomong lagi ke dya dan dy harap dy ga berbuat keslahan sperti dulu. hehe yg lucunya si Max jg gtu, dya jadian ama cewe laen yg jls" bukan tipe dya tp maw ga maw karna he decided so utk lupain Nelly. tetep aj si Max putusin tuh cewe akhirna gara" masi mikirn si Nelly.

tapi ya....emg dsar Nelly ny aj ga sabaran plus gampang bosan jd ya sedikit demi sdikit Nelly mulai berusaha melupakan Max. Nelly berbuat demikian karna Max ga merespon perasaan Nelly. Max ga brani kasi taw Nelly ap yg dia rasain ke Nelly. dy hanya takut ditolak lg seperti dulu shingga berusaha untuk taw perasaan Nelly sebnernya ke dya. Nelly pun slaah paham. (nah loh!) dya pikir Max tuh menghindarin dya dgn alasan yg ga msk akal. sesungguhnya Max pgn bgt ngasi taw Nelly dan Nelly jg bgtu. keduanya emg bodoh! huh! (gregetan jg nie yg ngetik ama tuh dua manusia)

dgn pikir pendek pun dy berusah membuka hatinya bwat org laen, kata kasarnya sie pelarian. tp kali ini dya sungguh" maw ngelupain si Max. dy pikir bwat ap nunggu lama" ga jlas dan pasti gtu. (awalnya yg decide bwat nungguin trus sapa hayo? :P)

Nelly trima penembakan sie Bent, cowo stu lagi dah dri dunia antah berantah yg ga taw jelas gw ceritanya. kehadiran dy cuma figuran yg gw hadirkan biar tambah rumit aj hehehe.(cih...si Bent ngerusak jalan cerita Nelly ama Max nie, ga stuju gw Nelly ama Bent, toh bru ktemu bentar ud nembak anak org. Nelly nya jg sie yg plin plan and ud putus asa trus, ga komitmen nie. tp tetep gw hargain kok usaha dy membuka hati orang karna lambat laun Nelly pun mungkin sayang Bent dan lupain Max).

Max yg dgr Nelly jadian ama Bent shock stengah mateng, eh stenga mati! tp ya maw gmana lagi toh emg dy ga bsa maksa and lagipula itu keputusan org yg disayangi nya. gara" kejadian ini, Max tambah yakin klo Nelly ud ga syg ama dya sejak diputusin dan mungkin wiser klo waktu itu dya ga tembak Nelly utk kedua kalinya. (uuukh!!! Max bego nie!!!)

fyuh, cape jg ngarang sgtu banyknya. ok back,

Max pun hanya bsa nunggu Nelly lagi, gantian nie ceritanya nunggunya. tp Max yakin, klo emg Nelly jodoh dya, pasti Nelly baakal balik. anyway, Max jg ga masalah klo emg Nelly bahagia dgn keputusan dy sendiri. bagaimana pun jg bagi Max, Nelly hrs bahagia dgn caranya sendiri, kebahagiaan Nelly bkn bergantung ama Max seorang. jadi ya Max fine" aj plus confident enough for her.

sementara itu, hubungan Nelly dgn Bent jg ga membaik, malah memburuk karna salah paham di antara mreka. yah jlas susah kan munculin faith di antara mreka berdua klo lom kenal baik. Nelly pun bingung, lagi" dya kangen ama sosok Max. tp Nelly tetep bertahan karna dy ga maw bergantung ama Max and nyakitin si Bent, cukup dy aja yg menderita katnya. (sok tegar bner nie si Nelly. dy pikir dy hebat kali ya nyakitin perasaannya and ngebohongin perasaan dy sendiri? walau gw ga suka cara si Nelly, tetep salut gw ama dya karna ga smw org bsa kayak dya. klo gw ud gw tendang jauh" tuh yg bikin gw derita. life's too short for that hohoho :D)

Nelly pun kasi taw Max sth is wrong between her and Bent. pertemanan bae mreka ga rusak walau ud skian lama. tetep Nelly hrs menderita jg bwat menahan perasaan dy ke Max agar ga keceplosan. di sela" cerita ini deh makan rumit lagi. Max pun berakhir kyak Nelly. dya jg maw memulai hidup baru dgn yg laen dan ngelupain Nelly. yah jlas si Nelly kaget!

hohoho makin sni makin seru nie (writer nya lg semangat berapi-api)Max ga bsa memulai hidup barunya dgn lancar gara" klo dy meleng dikit pasti keinget ama si Nelly temen bae skaligus cewe yg perhatian bgt ama Max. ya klo gtu dgn Max, maka bgtu jg dgn si Nelly. Nelly hrs focus penuh ama hubungan dy yg baru klo ga blaaaarr.....!!!kayknya mreka ud terikat and kembaran gtu deh situasinya hyahahaha.intinya mreka pun saling nunggu-nungguan dan berusaha lupain stu sama laen dgn cara masing". pada akhirnya ga ad yg taw bakal jd gmana. mreka hanya bsa berharap dan yakin klo jalan ini bnar and yakin jg ama masing-masing antara Nelly dan Max. setidaknua mreka ga berhenti berharap antar sesama toh.teka-tekinya sini nih. bagaimana selanjutnya hidup Nelly and Max?

[cerita ini hanya karangan belaka. bila ad kesamaan itu jg cuma kebetulan. jadi jgn mengaku" klo ini kejadiaan bneran toh gw bukan dewa yg serba taw, hanya manusia yg berpikir dgn cara gw sendiri yg mungkin accidentally menyambung ke hidup seseorang.]

TO BE CONTINUED

29 September 2008

relationship
circle of love
PART 1

love what makes us human a human sweet!
sering denger kan?
hanya aj this one word which contains only four letters to ga bakal pernah habis klo diomongin. maw lo ceburin ke dsar laut ato dibwa ampe meleleh ke gunung brapi jg ga akan di deny existence nya. love itu berbeda-beda bagi beberapa orang. sebagian punya arti yg dalem dan sebagian hanya yah skedar itu itu aj. malah awalnya gw kira real love tuh ga pernah atau jarng bgt happen. yg gw taw slama ini hanya big talk yg kasi suguhan picisan arti dr sebuah love, yg indah-indah yg ga pernah dipikir ulang maknanya. haha males deh T.T

tapi, gw berhasil dapetin inspirasi dr stu pihak yg lumayan pakar dlm masalah hidup. walau lbih tua dikit dr gw, hijau dy lbih tua lagi (lbih mature lah).

"awalnya itu, ga ad yg namanya love. pendekatan dalam jangka relationship tuh blom kenal yg namanya love. intinya org yg pacaran tuh cuma sepakat numbuhin love di antara mreka. let love grow between them. love jg bsa didefinisikan sebagaimana actions yg main bukan feelings" kata si michael samuel di blognya.

nah ampe sni aj ud bingung kan? complicated dah! gw aja bingung and hrus bner" ngertiin kata" bahasa dy yg tinggi bwat nangkep apa sie yg dia maksud dgn real love.
(untuk lbih jelasnya, klik di blogna batman sbelah kanan).

back to the idea of love
gw stuju dgn pandangan dy yg blg klo love tuh ga exist pertama-tama. i actually never believe love at the first sight. itu hanya skedar di exaggerated mnurut gw. taw dr mana klo kita tuh fall in love klo blum kenal baik buruknya orang tuh? sebagaimana yakinnya sie lo klo kita tuh bakal bsa forever in love ama dya? firstly itu tuh hanya ngikutin rasa skedar ingin nafsu memiliki doank ato hanya rasa kagum. kualitasnya? belakangan kali! hahaha ga bsa gtu donk.

dalam hal love ato menjalin hubungan yg baik dan benar tuh terdiri dr 3 perasaan murni. suka, sayang bru kemudian naik jabatan jadi love. tp gmana klo hal yg kita rasain skrg tuh ga jlas? jd mixed up gtu? ga bsa bedain yg mana the real feeling? err....makin ruwet aj nie jelasinnya! nah peningan gw kasi stu cerita (agak buatan) yg ud lama jadi inspirasi asal mulanya question ttg love rumit ini.

TO BE CONTINUED


28 September 2008

days. months. years.
can we force it back? the moment i find the real me now has gone sinking deeply. i'm tired of trying as the stories never seemed to stay the same. getting sick of biding your time when actually i get nothing back. yeah....you do this all the time though you know i'm tired of your lyin'.
the moment has come. it's the right time for you to find another fool cause i'm tired of this shitty day. why should i listen? you live in a world where you never want to listen. i don't mind 'bout you, but much time i had to waste for foolish around.
cause i'm sick and tired .... of always being sick and tired.
i have lost my peace of mind and sanity throughout my days. i knew there's come a time when you'd hear me say again and again,
i'm fed up of you!
good night world
let it be tommorow soon

26 September 2008

our story (fiction)
suffer from loss-unexpected moment

Everlasting Light
"All children except one, grow up."
I would never figure out the chance to hear those words once more in my life.....

Hail horribly poured down continuosly from the grey sky. London was equally covered with cold and white snow on the Christmas Eve. I was sitting quietly on the bed, staring the view outside the window. I wasn't alone that time....

She lied peacefully in my hug. I held her hands firmly without a sound. Yeah....I didn't know what to say though. I just kept murmuring by myself, "Mommy...mommy! Can you please wake up? You promised me a bedtime story remember? Mommy answer me! Oh, I know let's take turn. Let me read you one, all right? Which one do you want? The Snow Woman or The Unfortunate Dwarf? Mommy...please answer me!!!"

Tears started falling down my cheek. I had no idea what a seven-year old girl like me supposed to do that moment. I questioned the sparkling stars and the mighty moon which just remain silent in the sky. "Can you please give her back to me? I don't want any more Christmas present! I just want her! I just want my mommy!!!" I shouted loudly and blamed myself for what a useless daughter I was.

The clock stroke for the tenth times. I wiped my tears off and thought to myself. That wasn't a proper time to cry. Crying wouldn't even wake her up from the long sleep. "It's time to be a big girl now, right mommy? A big girl doesn't cry!" Nothing much I could do but to wait for the return of Aunt Jane, my mom's sister back from her work. Hail must terribly stop her on the way home. I stared at the window once more. My mind was flying back to the past, the time where everything seemed just a dream.

"Sally, my sweetheart! When will you grow up like those children?" asked her with a clear voice. "Don't worry mommy...I will. But, can you wait until the next Christmas finish? I won't get a special Christmas present from Santa Claus if I'm adult already, will i?"

"What a silly sweety pie! All children, except one, grow up. And it's you Sally the silly." She caressed my black shiny hair and smiled happily. It was the nicest smile that I had ever seen from her and I was relieved that I was able to see one in this despair.

I could never forget her as a strong, lively, cheerful and wise woman as well as the best mommy n the universe. She must be there when I need her warm hands. Daddy had gone when I was just five years old. Mommy had been really well playing her role as a good mummy and also replacing my daddy's place. It wasn't that easy I knew.

The nightmare arrived on us that summer. Daddy was injured badly on his head while working in the shoe factory. The tragedy stabbed her heart painfully and broke it into pieces. She was extremely shocked and not a single word could even come out from he small lips. She hugged me tight and whispered. "Daddy had left both of us. He had gone to a place where we couldn't reach...."

I understood what she actually meant. It was tough for a small kid like me, looking at the fact that my dad had died tragically. Mommy ought to be the one who trully regretted his death. She loved him so much that she cried secretly every night. However, she never show me that side, her real weakness. Her patience and love are all that sucessfully dragged me out of this madness.

Since then, mommy had worked twice more than usual. She worked harder and longer to earn for the living. She even asked her sister help, Aunt Jane to stay with us to keep an eye on me while she worked. Thanks to her that I had never missed my three meals everyday. Amazingly, she didn't complain and take it as a granted in this cruel life.

If only I could rewind the time. If only I was able to cheer her and wiped her precious tears off. If only I could sing a lullabye song for her good night sleep. I only I had my last chance to grant her little wish and make her proud. But it was too late already. Her smooth face turns blue and pale. Her soft voive and laught weren't echoing in the room anymore. Her lip was meant to be silent. Her hands had lost the power. Her shine had died, sinking in the deepest sorrow. And her brown eyes would be shut forever, without a light....

created by the writer

a regret always come at the end.

appreciate every little thing that people do for your own good. losing the one who you care the most is not a piece of cake. you may sometime not think and realise how important they are to you while sitting and talking beside you. Whoever surround you, either your family or your good friends, is still surprising when suddenly you stop hearing those jokes, laughs, smile, anger from them. (I'm experiencing now and it was a totally shock for me) Share your most valuable time with them as long as possible because time will soon changes everything and will never turn back anything.

19 September 2008


leaving-no words

miss you. need you. i do....

"let me be the monkey then" "cungs!!!
"heh mongki!" "siti!!!" " ikan asin tuh sana" "jelek! mandi giih!"
hahaha never have it in mind what those words are all about
never imagine that leaving could be really that hard....
tears lost it's use, just won't bring anything back to me. the moment to be spent more back there was gone. i once questioned myself up in the air, more and more"why am i here?"
PATHETIC. all the feelings mingled into one simple short-minded.
tried to keep in mind though, convinced myself that it was only a dream, unexpected one.
the loneliness and silence were damn perfect to create another nightmare....

"Everytime-Simple Plan"

It was three AM when you woke me up
And we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives
Until the sun came up
And now I'm thinking about
How I wish I could go back

Just for one more day
One more day with you

(chorus)
Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
It's all I need: one more day with you

When the car broke down
We just kept walkin along
Til we hit this town
There was nothing there at all
But that was all okay
We spent all our money on stupid things
But if I looked back now,
I'd probably give it all away
Just for one more day
One more day with you

chorus

Now I'm sittin here, like we used to do
I think about my life
and how now there's nothing I won't do
Just for one more day
One more day with you

chorus

You walked away
Just one more day
It's all I need, just one more day with you

vooilla!!! tears started to roll down again :P

have u ever felt kind of when u're really longing something that u should not think of?
apparently, yeah i do....
it sucks me out!
miss the stupid words within our laughs. miss every silly things that we did, like there was no fear to lose any pride in front of people. and miss the silly fight for nothing!
but filling mind with those thoughts just would let me down and regret for this. here's life is tough and competitive.
friends are not something to stop u being who u are. they are there as a reminder that tells u who u are. keep relying on them which will just change them to be a giant wall that never get me through the days. dunno how gonna make it. words are easier than actions. something needs to pace me on so i wont feel the time and escape from the real world. let it just flies quickly then there will be no difference at all. and when it comes to the right time, i'll get back what's been turning away from me.

no words are better to be said. winter is really long here.
i cried silently. i cried hopelessly
nobody needs to know what is inside. lies are the best things to burst out and appear.
understanding...?
hmmph.....yeah rite, it only happens in a fairy tale.
who can actually understand another? simply a piece of joke!
dun mind if i keep it myself, coz we have lost our moment....